Should You Date Someone Because of Money?

Should You Date Someone Because of Money? The arguments for and against...

This is a two-part series on dating & money. To read part one, click here.

You’ve both swiped right and after a few messages back and forth, you’ve finally decided to meet for drinks.

When you see him at the bar for the first time, there are a lot of reasons you might be attracted to him—his looks, his muscles, his humor and even his job.

But what if it’s his money that attracts you? Is that any different? Should you really date someone because of money?

According to a survey by Money Magazine, money is the leading cause of fights among couples.

Most couples fight about money more than they fight about household chores, raising children, sex or anything else.

In other words, money is a big deal in a relationship.

For Jennifer, a 26-year old social worker in Los Angeles, that is exactly why she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with dating someone because of money.

 

The Case For Dating Someone Because of Money

 

“Sure, you could date someone for money,” she says. “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s important—providing for yourself is a necessity and being able to travel, eat well and afford nice things is fun. Obviously it depends on what you are interested in and where you are in your life…You need to be compatible on several levels, but I’ve never heard of anyone fight over having too much money.”

Even if most people wouldn’t set out to date someone because of his or her bank account, there are certainly financial perks that come with being in a relationship.

Hannah, a 24-year old graduate student from the West Coast is surprised these “dating perks” aren’t talked about more.

When Hannah began dating her boyfriend during college, she instantly noticed a decrease in her monthly expenses. They moved in together within the first six months and her rent was immediately slashed in half, but that wasn’t all.

“There’s not really a nicer way to say it. The world is definitely designed for pairs. Insurance is cheaper, rent is cheaper and even travel is way more affordable when you have someone to split a hotel room with.

I don’t know about dating someone because you need money, but I definitely understand why you would date someone for the perks that come with it.

Finances are easier [when you’re in a relationship]. It sucks, but it’s the truth,” Hannah explains.

 

The Case Against Dating Someone Because of Money

 

Even if finances are less tight for romantic duos than they are for those who are single, that doesn’t mean that you should necessarily set out to date or marry someone because of that. With the average cost of divorce between $15,000 and $20,000, any savings from “dating perks” would quickly be lost.

According to Ava, a 28-year old marketing director, from the Midwest, that’s probably the best way to approach dating as well.

In the same way your relationship status can change, your partner’s financial status can change as well.

“I don’t think you should date someone because of how much money they have. This is a very changeable thing and honestly a shallow thing to base a relationship on. However, if they have an attitude towards money which impresses you, I think that’s a good reason to date someone. That positive attitude will probably be reflected in other parts of their life.”

Regardless of what you are looking for in a relationship, there are countless reasons to date a person and none of them are more important or valid than the other. Some relationships will fail and others will flourish; there’s no guarantee.

Even though the perfect recipe for a relationship remains elusive, there’s one thing that is certain: you.

Working to increase your own net worth is the one investment that is guaranteed to pay off—regardless of your relationship status.

 

 

10 responses to “Should You Date Someone Because of Money?

  1. I never really thought about this. I supposed if I were single, I would be attracted to someone with money, not because of their income necessarily, but it showcases someone as successful, driven, and responsible, which are all traits I would value. But I don’t think I would date someone just because of their income. You are right…net worth is much more important. Great post!

  2. I did not date my husband because of money. I found out that he had money after the fact. However, I can honestly say finances change, and all it took was for us to get married and my accident to make me unable to work. It put all the pressure on him. Then we had a surprise baby on top of all of that. However, we do love each other, and love and the bond between us is bigger than finances. Having the good money habits though for both of us has really made it easier to get back on track though!

  3. I think when money in general becomes less of a taboo, “paying attention to money while dating” will also be less of a taboo.

    The problem with words like “dating for money” is it immediately brings to mind the stereotype of the 65 year old man trading in his long time wife for a broke 25 year old woman.

    I know that, for me, I’ve been so much less stressed about my own money when I’ve dated someone who was in a similar spot to me and prioritized saving and investing over say luxury goods or frequent drunken shenanigans. I don’t think that it’s necessarily being shallow or even “obsessed with money”, it’s just an indicator of financial lifestyle compatibility. Being compatible on the big stuff is a pretty good starting point to avoid ending up in arguments about the big stuff. But I’m not sure how one would really screen for that in a socially acceptable way, so I don’t.

    1. I think it just takes time. By the end of year one in a relationship, I generally have a good sense of my partners’ financial habits and if we’re aligned or not.

  4. My husband and I met fairly young into our twenties so I didn’t really have a chance to dabble in the dating scene much (and I didn’t know about personal finance stuff then). I think if I were in a different situation and dating now, I probably would “date for money” because I’m so into personal finance, it would be hard to not be attracted to someone who has similar financial priorities. At the same time, my husband and I are opposites when it comes to money (not spending but general desire to have money – he’s happier with less) and I think that has really benefited me greatly.

    1. It’s funny because my bf has always been my financial opposite too and I think it’s benefited both of us. I’ve loosened up and learned to enjoy my spending, whereas he’s become more of an aggressive saver and investor. I think that willingness to be open and malleable and align with one another is probably the MOST important thing.

  5. Best line I found is, “I don’t think you should date someone because of how much money they have” Money may give you happiness, but as per my experience money is not everything.

    Great post!

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