Should You Dump Someone Because of Money Problems?

Join my free week-long                   to stop stressing about your money and start taking control of it.

    Would (and Should) You Dump Someone Because of Money Problems?

    1. Fabi I says:

      As you already mentioned, it really depends on the partner. Of course, it isn’t easy to talk about money but if your other half is willing to work on their financial situation you should help them.
      But if they are lying to you I would dump my partner. Because this behavior has a real impact on me and my financial situation.
      As always, communication is key 🙂

    2. Thanks for writing about this topic! I don’t think it gets talked about enough. I personally think it comes down to someone’s control over their debt. My fiance and I both have student loan debt, but we are very much in control of it and are actively paying it off. But if I found out he had $30,000 of credit card debt…ouch. I wouldn’t want to put myself in a situation where I am responsible for fixing someone’s finances when they clearly have no interest in fixing it themselves. Very situational, but I’m glad you brought it up!

    3. Kim says:

      When my now husband and I first got together, he knew absolutely nothing about money. I came from a family with a parent that always bailed out another parent from money issues, and I refused to be in the same situation. My husband came into the relationship $15,000 in debt and was spending money we didn’t have. One day I gave him an ultimatum, stop spending so much money or I walk. He cleaned his act right up! Now, he budgets better than I do! Lol. He still spends money, but we have a fund set up just for him so he can enjoy it without feeling guilty. Sometimes you have to give them a chance like I did, but sometimes you may just have to kick them to the curb!

      • Stefanie says:

        Thanks for sharing your story Kim. I’m sure there are many people in similar situations and it’s good to hear that your husband was able to make that switch.

    4. Ashish says:

      No, not at all. what i think if someone stays with you only for money., they are just like parasites and we must take necessary actions to avoid such relations before we get into trouble. We all agree that money has solutions to many problems but at the same time money can’t solve all problems of life. We must be practical while dealing with money matters.

      Really liked your thoughts and specially the way you communicated it to us.

      Thanks! http://www.thanksmoney.com

    5. Church says:

      Sex, money and bathroom schedules. All topics that two people should be on the same with as they move forward.

      This post is great because love can be blinding.

      Thanks for sharing.

    6. Brian says:

      I recently discovered my girlfriend of 3 years has 250k in student loan debt that she hasn’t made payments on in years due to her low income and her idea to get out of debt is to get another loan to become a commercial pilot. I feel like shit right now for leaving her but I don’t see how we could co-exist in marriage knowing the long road ahead for her just to get out of debt. It’s not the life I had been planning for us.

      • Stefanie says:

        I’m sorry. That’s such a tough situation. Sometimes it can help to point our partners to resources/alternatives to see how they’ll respond. But if ultimately, the behavior doesn’t change, it’s probably indicative of what’s to come in the future too :/

    7. David Johnson says:

      Recently, my girlfriend of seven years told me that my firing was a deal breaker for our relationship. I take responsibility for breaking company policy and being fired. She has wanted me to change jobs for the last three years because there was a management change at the job and all my peers had left because of it. I was scheduled to start a new job at the beginning of 2018. But I was diagnosed with cancer in February, the same month I was scheduled to start the new job. I had to provide my own insurance at the new job, so I really felt I should stay put and she agreed. When I was fired, I was told by her that she ‘knew I was going to be fired because the new management was treating me so badly.’ I have $43,000 in credit card debt I’m trying to pay down. I also own a rental property with positive cash flow and equity of $50,000 and a 401k with only $200,000 in it. I plan to work another eight to ten years as she does. She has a lot more saved due to a divorce and the recent death of her father. I want to buy more real estate and will borrow to do so. The only thing I’ve ever asked from her is that she contributes to travel and entertainment during those times when I really shouldn’t be spending the money; which has been the case for several years. Two years ago I paid for our trip to Italy. She wanted to go and so did I. In October 2018, we went to Eastern Europe although I was fired the day before our scheduled departure. We had travel insurance that covered job loss but she wanted to go anyway. And I wanted to go as well, because it’s important to live now because you never know what tomorrow brings. It was after returning that she told me the firng was a deal breaker. I wasn’t surprised because she warned me if I didn’t get my shit together by October of 2018 that would be a deal breaker. My feeling is that it’s my fault I was fired, but it’s not my fault the relationship ended. In her defense, she was born in Cuba and came to the US with her family with nothing. She’s been afraid of debt and not having enough money since then.

      • Stefanie says:

        Hey David, I’m so sorry to hear that. Cancer is the #1 priority – where are you at with your cancer treatments? As for the management of your debt, I would say the best course of action would be to start with a spending and savings plan. Understanding where you’re at financially will help you take the next step into developing a financial game plan. Knowing what you owe, to who, and for how much will also give you a better understanding of which pieces of debt you want to begin paying off first. Here’s an article I wrote on a few different ways you can start getting your debt under control: https://stefanieoconnell.com/stop-stressing-about-money/

        You’ve had a hard year, and for that I’m so sorry. You have so much opportunity ahead of you, stay strong.

    8. Odile says:

      I thought everything can be fixed by true love. Maybe it’s too ideal this mindset when it comes to the reality. My boyfriend broke up with his ex after a 7-year realtionship because he was tired of paying things for her family (her parents, sister, cousins, etc.) and I always acuse him of not having loved her despite being with her for 7 years. I mean, if he could manage to bear 7 years without loving her, how can I know that he is not doing the same to me? p.s. we don’t have this financial problem between us.

    9. josephine says:

      9 months ago untill now, I’m in a new relay wit this one great guy who really love and treats me well. Everything is so good between us. But as time pass by I realize he had a financial problem. We both are working and I’m 23 years old while he’s 28 years old. At 1st, at the beginning of the relationship, he always ask me to lend him some money whenever he had a problem, and I will surely help him right away. But then slowly I’m starting to feel that the truth is I really don’t like it whenever he ask me to help him in his financial problem. I did tell him about this, and he said its quite hard for him to really save money since he had a lots of things to pay like the house bills, his car loans, and buying groceries for his family at home and sometimes he help out his siblings whenever they need some money also eventhough they’re also a working adults. He do have a savings as what he told me but sometimes if he got an emergency he end up used the money he save and he’s back to no savings at all. He do pay me back whenever he borrow though but sometimes he forgot also..
      But eventhough he knows i dont like it, he still ask me to help him and promise to pay it back. I know he will pay me back, but the fact that he keeps on borrowing money from me and have no savings at all even though he’s working is really making me think twice about our relationship. Is it wrong if I help him in his financial problems? But if I keep on helping him by lending him some money untill when he’s gonna do that? I don’t want when we got married he’s still borrowing money from other people to support us. N is it wrong if I didn’t help him? The were this one time where he’s out of internet data but dont have enough money to buy a new one and he end up ask me to top up for his phone but i didnt help him at all and then we didn’t manage to talk to or chat to each other for almost 2days. Please tell me what should I do in this situation. I really love him but the fact that he always borrow money from me is seriously makes me to really consider our relationship in the future.

    10. Lashon Jordan says:

      My fiance left because of financial problems . let me say it was his finances that i was helping on and when mine shut down he accused me of lying . I work for a company that had internal issues and it affected our pay and he blames me for it saying I was lying all this time. this hurts because i was helping him out and if he had issues he should not be harsh on me for mine.

    11. Ana Andrade says:

      My boyfriend and I are living together for 7months now, he was court for three years getting divorce and plus family business they had together he walked away from everything because courts were taking all the money he was going to make not even mentioning the stress. Now his financial crisis maybe has to do bankruptcy or work a long time to pay all kinds of bills. I don’t know what to do he lives for free with me his very sweet to me but is it enough, there’s days I ask myself how can I go ahead in life
      Can I?

      • Stefanie says:

        Hi Ana, I’m so sorry to hear of your struggle. I think you need to do what’s best for you. Focus on what’s going to really allow you to uphold your financial goals. Does this relationship fufill any personal or financial goals you’ve set?

    12. Trish says:

      My bf is, separated and, hasn’t gone through his, divorce. He’s, working hard to keep everything going. I have helped him a couple of times even though he has, said he doesn’t like asking me. He, has, a lot of bills and child support payments. He has never asked me to help him with that, as he says that’s, his issue and, he, wilm take care of it. I love him very much. He, is, an amazing man. Is, this, a realistic thing for me to think we can last and, have a life together? I’m very anxious and, upset.

      • Stefanie says:

        It’s honorable for you to offer your help, but being as you’re not married yet you don’t have an obligation to. If he’s not asking for help but is accepting your paying for his bills without taking an active step toward truly paying for it himself then I would have that discussion with him and come up with a financial plan together that helps him get fully on his feet.

    13. Jaycee says:

      My girlfriends currently having a go at my current financial situation..it’s not like im being entirely dishonest with her, she knows my situation and my previous spending habits, yet still finds a reason to be angry!. This time it’s about not having enough to go travelling in the future when in fact I can only work 20hrs a week to pay for a course in a country I’m paying to be in (her aswell). It’s not like I can’t save it’s that I’m unable to do it as bills are the equivalent to my weekly wage. And STILL she manages to get upset about it. She believes this will always be the case and we can’t have a life together the way she wants because financially I’m not okay! So YES! Women do really care about what their man earns and cash he has in the bank no matter how trivial the case might be. Whether or not people behaviours and attitudes can change rains to be seen in each individual situation.

    14. Shiela says:

      I started a relationship a year ago he stated he had a job a condo he owned. After six months I found out through one of his friends he no longer owns the condo. He has not owned it in a few years. I found some things to be a little suspicious uses a debit card no credit cards. He currently got laid off and is currently collecting unemployment. He also has a child in college and tells me its difficult to spend this week because he has to give his child money. I’m recently divorced and financially I’m in a good place. I have a good job with retirement money set aside and I continue to set goals for my retirement. I have an issue because I’m 50 years old and I’m not getting any younger. I’m at an age I don’t want to build with someone I did that already for 27 years in my marriage I just want to you to have a good job with some retirement security. Am I asking for to much??????

    15. Amy says:

      I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 years and he hasn’t been on a job since we’ve been together. He is a musician and makes little income playing for events locally. I’m trying my best to be patient and supportive but I believe I’m reaching my limit. He is also 10 years older than me and I feel as though he can work as well as do music. We’ve been arguing about him finding a job for some years until I gave up. He clearly does not want to work and feel as though he is ok just playing music at local events, which is not very often. I’m now getting older and am making twice as much as he do every two weeks. He also drives my car that I pay car note and insurance on to get to his gigs. He never ask to help with payments because he knows I can afford it. On his free time which is almost everyday besides the weekend he is home playing video games. With him being 10 years older than me I want more from him. Is it wrong to alter a person’s dreams? Now I believe he is not putting his all in his music and rather play games all day. With our little apartment that we’re living in he is able to pay half of the Bill’s but I now want to buy a new home and I would have to pay more because he cant afford it. As the article says I can see if he is trying to make extra cash but he is not trying. I feel as though I am crippling him by having him drive my car and paying for mostly all the groceries. How can I make a future with someone who is ok with not working or barely makes end meet by playing music locally on weekends but refuse to get a job throughout the week to have more cash?

      • Stefanie says:

        Hey Amy, I’m so sorry to hear you’re dealing with this. It sounds like you deserve better. You have a lot of really great financial goals and want someone who’s on your level–financially and emotionally! I say it’s time to move on and start working toward your financial dreams on your own. The right person will come along when the time is right.

    16. Dilemma says:

      I have been with my partner for 2 years now and we recently discussed each other’s financial situations. I learnt that he has a some financial responsibility for his family and this could.be an ongoing thing. I’m worried about how it will affect our future like buying a house together or if kids come along.

      • Stefanie says:

        Totally hear you! I think something you could do is have a money date so you can learn a little more about his financial situation, and you can help him understand your money goals. Having a money date is a great way to begin having a more open and productive conversation around all things goals.

    17. Beverly says:

      Hey my name is Beverly… Am in 9 years relationship I never depend in my man because he was not working all along 8 years.. We have a 3 year old son who he stayed with my parent home.. My problem is he is not supporting me financially he don’t even support my child what he do he gives me money to only bye food for where we are staying… If I say he doen something it it when I laybyed my child some clothes is where he could remove them out only if I shouted on him.. Please help me😭😭😭😭😭

      • Stefanie says:

        Hi Beverly, a man is not a financial plan. Empower yourself by walking away from this guy if he isn’t financially supporting you and make a plan to begin supporting yourself and little one 100%. It can be challenging, but well worth it in the end.

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

    latest posts

    Top Picks

    what's next

    WANT TO MAKE MORE MONEY?

    FREAKED OUT BY INVESTING?

    CAN’T STOP OVERSPENDING?

    READY TO TALK MONEY WITH YOUR SIGNIFIGANT OTHER?

    Download this worksheet to start sharpening your negotiating skills.

    Learn how to start. Even when you feel broke.

    Try these 5 strategies to help you stop buying stuff you don’t need.

    This cheat sheet will show you how to talk about money at every stage in your relationship.

    download

    download

    watch the video

    READ the post

    Follow 

    @STEFANIEOCONNELL

    on Instagram