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    Would (and Should) You Dump Someone Because of Money Problems?

    1. Fabi I

      February 14th, 2017 at 8:45 am

      As you already mentioned, it really depends on the partner. Of course, it isn’t easy to talk about money but if your other half is willing to work on their financial situation you should help them.
      But if they are lying to you I would dump my partner. Because this behavior has a real impact on me and my financial situation.
      As always, communication is key 🙂

    2. Stefanie

      February 15th, 2017 at 9:16 pm

      Yes. It amazes me how many couple know communication is key, but don’t apply it to their $!

    3. Rachel @ The Latte Budget

      February 14th, 2017 at 2:08 pm

      Thanks for writing about this topic! I don’t think it gets talked about enough. I personally think it comes down to someone’s control over their debt. My fiance and I both have student loan debt, but we are very much in control of it and are actively paying it off. But if I found out he had $30,000 of credit card debt…ouch. I wouldn’t want to put myself in a situation where I am responsible for fixing someone’s finances when they clearly have no interest in fixing it themselves. Very situational, but I’m glad you brought it up!

    4. Stefanie

      February 15th, 2017 at 9:17 pm

      Exactly, it’s not necessarily about the numbers, so much as it is their response to the numbers.

    5. Kim

      February 16th, 2017 at 4:14 pm

      When my now husband and I first got together, he knew absolutely nothing about money. I came from a family with a parent that always bailed out another parent from money issues, and I refused to be in the same situation. My husband came into the relationship $15,000 in debt and was spending money we didn’t have. One day I gave him an ultimatum, stop spending so much money or I walk. He cleaned his act right up! Now, he budgets better than I do! Lol. He still spends money, but we have a fund set up just for him so he can enjoy it without feeling guilty. Sometimes you have to give them a chance like I did, but sometimes you may just have to kick them to the curb!

    6. Stefanie

      September 26th, 2017 at 8:06 am

      Thanks for sharing your story Kim. I’m sure there are many people in similar situations and it’s good to hear that your husband was able to make that switch.

    7. Ashish

      September 26th, 2017 at 7:54 am

      No, not at all. what i think if someone stays with you only for money., they are just like parasites and we must take necessary actions to avoid such relations before we get into trouble. We all agree that money has solutions to many problems but at the same time money can’t solve all problems of life. We must be practical while dealing with money matters.

      Really liked your thoughts and specially the way you communicated it to us.

      Thanks! http://www.thanksmoney.com

    8. Church

      January 21st, 2018 at 1:33 pm

      Sex, money and bathroom schedules. All topics that two people should be on the same with as they move forward.

      This post is great because love can be blinding.

      Thanks for sharing.

    9. Stefanie

      January 21st, 2018 at 3:10 pm

      Hahaha, you’re so right. I often wish one bedrooms in NYC came with two bathrooms 🙂

    10. Brian

      October 1st, 2018 at 10:56 am

      I recently discovered my girlfriend of 3 years has 250k in student loan debt that she hasn’t made payments on in years due to her low income and her idea to get out of debt is to get another loan to become a commercial pilot. I feel like shit right now for leaving her but I don’t see how we could co-exist in marriage knowing the long road ahead for her just to get out of debt. It’s not the life I had been planning for us.

    11. Stefanie

      October 2nd, 2018 at 7:42 am

      I’m sorry. That’s such a tough situation. Sometimes it can help to point our partners to resources/alternatives to see how they’ll respond. But if ultimately, the behavior doesn’t change, it’s probably indicative of what’s to come in the future too :/

    12. David Johnson

      January 12th, 2019 at 6:13 pm

      Recently, my girlfriend of seven years told me that my firing was a deal breaker for our relationship. I take responsibility for breaking company policy and being fired. She has wanted me to change jobs for the last three years because there was a management change at the job and all my peers had left because of it. I was scheduled to start a new job at the beginning of 2018. But I was diagnosed with cancer in February, the same month I was scheduled to start the new job. I had to provide my own insurance at the new job, so I really felt I should stay put and she agreed. When I was fired, I was told by her that she ‘knew I was going to be fired because the new management was treating me so badly.’ I have $43,000 in credit card debt I’m trying to pay down. I also own a rental property with positive cash flow and equity of $50,000 and a 401k with only $200,000 in it. I plan to work another eight to ten years as she does. She has a lot more saved due to a divorce and the recent death of her father. I want to buy more real estate and will borrow to do so. The only thing I’ve ever asked from her is that she contributes to travel and entertainment during those times when I really shouldn’t be spending the money; which has been the case for several years. Two years ago I paid for our trip to Italy. She wanted to go and so did I. In October 2018, we went to Eastern Europe although I was fired the day before our scheduled departure. We had travel insurance that covered job loss but she wanted to go anyway. And I wanted to go as well, because it’s important to live now because you never know what tomorrow brings. It was after returning that she told me the firng was a deal breaker. I wasn’t surprised because she warned me if I didn’t get my shit together by October of 2018 that would be a deal breaker. My feeling is that it’s my fault I was fired, but it’s not my fault the relationship ended. In her defense, she was born in Cuba and came to the US with her family with nothing. She’s been afraid of debt and not having enough money since then.

    13. Stefanie

      January 23rd, 2019 at 2:12 pm

      Hey David, I’m so sorry to hear that. Cancer is the #1 priority – where are you at with your cancer treatments? As for the management of your debt, I would say the best course of action would be to start with a spending and savings plan. Understanding where you’re at financially will help you take the next step into developing a financial game plan. Knowing what you owe, to who, and for how much will also give you a better understanding of which pieces of debt you want to begin paying off first. Here’s an article I wrote on a few different ways you can start getting your debt under control: https://stefanieoconnell.com/stop-stressing-about-money/

      You’ve had a hard year, and for that I’m so sorry. You have so much opportunity ahead of you, stay strong.

    14. Odile

      May 31st, 2019 at 2:17 pm

      I thought everything can be fixed by true love. Maybe it’s too ideal this mindset when it comes to the reality. My boyfriend broke up with his ex after a 7-year realtionship because he was tired of paying things for her family (her parents, sister, cousins, etc.) and I always acuse him of not having loved her despite being with her for 7 years. I mean, if he could manage to bear 7 years without loving her, how can I know that he is not doing the same to me? p.s. we don’t have this financial problem between us.

    15. josephine

      June 6th, 2019 at 12:30 am

      9 months ago untill now, I’m in a new relay wit this one great guy who really love and treats me well. Everything is so good between us. But as time pass by I realize he had a financial problem. We both are working and I’m 23 years old while he’s 28 years old. At 1st, at the beginning of the relationship, he always ask me to lend him some money whenever he had a problem, and I will surely help him right away. But then slowly I’m starting to feel that the truth is I really don’t like it whenever he ask me to help him in his financial problem. I did tell him about this, and he said its quite hard for him to really save money since he had a lots of things to pay like the house bills, his car loans, and buying groceries for his family at home and sometimes he help out his siblings whenever they need some money also eventhough they’re also a working adults. He do have a savings as what he told me but sometimes if he got an emergency he end up used the money he save and he’s back to no savings at all. He do pay me back whenever he borrow though but sometimes he forgot also..
      But eventhough he knows i dont like it, he still ask me to help him and promise to pay it back. I know he will pay me back, but the fact that he keeps on borrowing money from me and have no savings at all even though he’s working is really making me think twice about our relationship. Is it wrong if I help him in his financial problems? But if I keep on helping him by lending him some money untill when he’s gonna do that? I don’t want when we got married he’s still borrowing money from other people to support us. N is it wrong if I didn’t help him? The were this one time where he’s out of internet data but dont have enough money to buy a new one and he end up ask me to top up for his phone but i didnt help him at all and then we didn’t manage to talk to or chat to each other for almost 2days. Please tell me what should I do in this situation. I really love him but the fact that he always borrow money from me is seriously makes me to really consider our relationship in the future.

    16. Lashon Jordan

      July 19th, 2019 at 11:56 am

      My fiance left because of financial problems . let me say it was his finances that i was helping on and when mine shut down he accused me of lying . I work for a company that had internal issues and it affected our pay and he blames me for it saying I was lying all this time. this hurts because i was helping him out and if he had issues he should not be harsh on me for mine.

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