Is Lending Money to Your Partner EVER a Good Idea?

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    Should You EVER Lend Money to Your Partner?

    1. Rachel @ The Latte Budget

      November 17th, 2016 at 2:02 pm

      So much insight here. Lending money can be a touchy subject, but I think you hit the nail on the head that no matter who you are lending money to, you need to agree to terms.

      I have lent money to a boyfriend, but we openly discussed money so I had no awkwardness or hesitation in asking for money back. If you don’t regularly talk about money or feel uncomfortable even bringing it up, I personally wouldn’t recommend giving someone a loan.

      Great article!

    2. Stefanie

      November 17th, 2016 at 2:07 pm

      So glad you have a success story to share. Often, those lending experiences turn into nightmares, but good to recognize how much of a difference transparency and openness in the financial dialogue can make!

    3. Millennial Money

      November 18th, 2016 at 12:51 am

      The first rule, never lending more than your willing to lose, is fantastic advice. Advice than can be applied towards entertainment like gambling and even risky investments! Be prepared to lose money to gain something potentially much better (in this case, helping a friend).

    4. Stefanie

      November 21st, 2016 at 1:35 pm

      That’s my gambling philosophy too 😉

    5. Aliyyah @RichAndHappyBlog

      November 18th, 2016 at 5:46 am

      I don’t believe in lending money to friends and family, let alone significant others. Either give it and don’t expect it back or don’t give it at all.

    6. Stefanie

      November 21st, 2016 at 1:44 pm

      “Gift it or nothing” is definitely a solid policy. And helps you avoid a lot of the potentially awkward and relationship damaging situations.

    7. Dominique

      November 21st, 2016 at 12:12 pm

      Very true and realistic article. Things can get very awkward very quickly if situations like lending money get mishandled. Good read!

    8. Stefanie

      November 21st, 2016 at 1:46 pm

      Thanks Dominique. That’s why I try to avoid getting in those situations to begin with 🙂

    9. DC @ Young Adult Money

      November 22nd, 2016 at 2:10 am

      I think the best approach is to simply not expect to get the money. Even better is to just pay for whatever it is they need money for. Regardless of how you decide to approach it you are going to be in a tough spot.

    10. Stefanie

      November 22nd, 2016 at 2:12 am

      I like the idea of paying for the item directly. That way you can make sure funds are getting directed appropriately, though there could be some push back/awkwardness if it’s something like rent.

    11. say it

      August 24th, 2017 at 1:26 pm

      my girlfriends are the broke type. its like I have a way of seeking financially struggling bit&es. Now the one I met yesterday I thought she had her finances in order. But she is casually borrowing money just now from me today.
      I liked her but now I am doubtful this shit will work.
      Where the hell does someone get a woman that is is in charge of their own shit.

    12. Stefanie

      August 24th, 2017 at 1:31 pm

      Oh no, that’s definitely a red flag :/ Almost all of the women I know are financially independent, but that may be a factor of living in NYC

    13. Student Chick

      February 4th, 2018 at 2:27 am

      My boyfriend is a heart surgeon in residency and doesn’t make very much money right now (he will in a few years). I am an architecture student and don’t work. My family is paying for my school and food etc. him and I live together and he pays for everything besides food. If I wasn’t living with him I would live with my grandma and not have to pay for anyone else’s food but my own. And likewise if he wasn’t with me he wouldn’t have to pay for the extra toilet paper etc. I offered for him to live in my grandmas house, so he could save money… but he said no.. I looked for an affordable apartment for us, but he only wanted one with enough space and luxury feeling so we went with a more expensive one. He btw is over $200,000 in loan debt… and things are starting to get iffy… First he asked if my mom would lend him like $15,000 and my mom said she can’t. This made him upset and he asked me to take out a loan. He has been asking me again almost every few days… He says that I need to be independent from my parents, and it’s true! Though, I am an architecture student and know that I will be able to cover myself when I am out of school. But right now, I have just enough from my parents to get by and have an education. My bf told me that everyone has a loan except me and that he has tons! When I told him that loans will be easy for him because he will make millions.. he was like “ya but your going to be an architect and will make billions!” But he knows that the median wage for Architects is about $50-$75 k per year. He says that I am different and will be a famous Zaha Hadid… ya that sounds swell and all but lol no one can be Zaha Hadid… it was a nice compliment though!

      So now we had a fight… just before our 1 year anniversary. He says that “changed my mind all of a sudden” about getting a loan.. when I never said that I would get one, just think about it… and so I told him that I would take out a loan if he needed it for him, just to be honest and ask instead of saying it’s for me. So I said that if he really wanted me to take out a loan, I would if he signed a paper saying that he would promis to pay it every month. Or that I would if I was married I would because that would give me a sense of security… but he got mad and said that I wouldn’t trust his word and that our love means nothing because I would ask him to sign a paper. I honestly don’t know what he wants… if he wanted money he would date a rich girl which I’m not… if he wanted love he wouldn’t push me to take a loan for our relationship would he? He says that it’s for my independence but should I believe him? Am I doing fine living off my parents help until I graduate?

    14. Stefanie

      February 4th, 2018 at 9:47 am

      Dana, I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like there are a lot of red flags here. The living above the means and refusing to downsize despite significant debt. The chastising of your financial situation. The dismissal of the future impact of the debt. And the guilting of you into taking out a loan on your bfs behalf. I would highly recommend you DO NOT take out a loan to support your bf. Even if he were to agree to a repayment plan on paper. And the fact that he won’t do that (and is guilting you for asking) makes me think this might not be a good relationship to stick with long-term. I know that’s really tough to hear, and ultimately, you’ll have to make the decision that’s best for you, but these kinds of disagreements about money, tend to be a reflection of disagreements about deeper values. You might consider working with a financial planner or therapist who can act as a neutral third party as you have these discussions.

    15. Rosemarie Eckhoff

      July 25th, 2018 at 9:51 am

      I BORROWED $6,000.FROM Our put down on a car .I’ve already paid back a $1,000.00 To the savings account…my husband keeps nagging me to pay the rest back..I’m trying but it’s not fast enough

    16. Stefanie

      October 24th, 2018 at 3:56 pm

      Have you tried putting together a budget sheet with him? This could be a great way for you both to get on the same page with repaying the savings account.

    17. Teclis

      December 1st, 2018 at 8:53 pm

      My so requested 35k. I have lent her 15k in the past and she did pay it back. She has her finances on order but I just don’t feel comfortable in such a big ask. The 35k is for an investment opportunity in her Uncle’s business which should bear fruit but still. I myself don’t have the 35k ( she assumes i do). I have something close. This has brought us in a bit of a tiff as she thinks I don’t trust her to pay me back. I told her I can give 15k but she wasn’t happy about that. Ugh. In my opion 35k is a big ask.

    18. Stefanie

      December 5th, 2018 at 5:36 pm

      I think it’s a big ask of an SO as well. Honestly, your SO shouldn’t get upset with you like it sounds like she is because you won’t lend her money for an investment. She needs to be able to find the funding rather than depend on solely you to provide funding for investment opportunities.

    19. Selena

      May 6th, 2019 at 7:35 am

      I need help, well, I was in a relationship with someone that was 36 And had a beautiful daughter because his wife passed away some years ago. He had a contract that he had to go to and he didn’t have the money to travel there and he needed money for his daughter that was sick.That was about 800$. He said he will pay me back because he will be getting 500,000$ for that one contract. We been in a relationship about 2 weeks now. Now,, I told him way before I do not have that kinda of money 3 or 4 times to him and then, I told him like 4 or 5 times that he need to ask his family or anyone else to lend him the Money but he wasn’t listening. He kelp nagging me about it and I just said I will try to get it, but, I lied saying I had the money to him, I lied to him because I was in the middle of finding the Money, then, I felt I was in a hot seat and then, I didn’t want him to get upset and I wanted him to stay happy. But that didn’t go so well, now, he call me all this names and stuff, saying I was nothing to him and we end the relationship. I kelp saying sorry to him, but he doesn’t want to talk to me and he said he will find a better woman, I was always a good woman to him because when he needs encouragement I help him and keep him warm. But, one lie ruin everything about who I really am to him. And btw we are long distance, he is from Cali and I am from Brooklyn.

    20. Simon

      August 17th, 2019 at 3:07 pm

      I agree with giving it as a gift. When you are in a relationship – if someone is in need, and you can, you should just give it. We don’t draw up contracts and stipulations for our heart and emotions and love…why should our “things” that we have, that we can share, be any different? It shouldn’t be. If you have it, and you can…just give it.

    21. Stefanie

      October 1st, 2019 at 10:14 am

      Agreed. If it’s money you can afford to giveaway and you set those expectations in advance, absolutely.

    22. Edith Ogbogboyibo

      August 27th, 2019 at 3:36 pm

      I had a first nite date in his house and the next morning he asked me to transfer money to him cos he saw it in my bag, saying his atm card is bad that he will do an online tranfer, i told him the money in the bag was mearnt for sth already, that same evening i visited and as i was leaving i gave him little token for tate for his activities the next day before he could get money from his bank, the following day he came up with the same transfer story that i should give him cash i told him i have none that he can visit a pos cash stand, a week later he called me begging me to transfer cash to his person saying he does not have access to his account till bank resumes monday and he will pay back, i did transfer d money although not huge but it was not a loosed cash the money was meant for my sibling i promised 10k, monday cane he didn’t pay back, it’s been days now. Is this a good start of a new relationship?

    23. Stefanie

      November 14th, 2019 at 2:42 pm

      Hi Edith, I would say this is not a great start and would contact someone to help you retrieve that back.

    24. Diane

      November 12th, 2019 at 8:58 am

      My boyfriend wants me to take out a 20,000 loan so that he can buy a car. He wants me to put a deposit of 1,000 down. It’s a private seller. He said I could use the money to make payments , and he I’ll have me paid back in 2 years. I feel uncomfortable with the amount of money. If it was a couple hundred I would say ok – but 20,000 on my credit seems steep. He wants a Jeep with four wheel drive. Right now he has a Saturn which is old. He needs a new car. He’s having financial trouble. I feel so bad saying no and letting him down. Given his financial situation, he might not even be able to get a loan, so I feel like I’m letting him down in a time of need. I have a pit in my stomach about the whole thing.

    25. Stefanie

      November 14th, 2019 at 2:34 pm

      Hi Diane, thank you for your comment. I would recommend not doing this. There are a lot of questions to ask yourself about this situation but my suggestion would be to really focus on what your financial goals are as an individual and how reliable his making payments will be. Being that he is using your credit it is of risk to you, especially at the level of $20K. There are a lot of ways he can get financing for a car if he needs a new car and I would suggest supporting him in searching but I wouldn’t offer your personal credit as a workaround unless you were married or have long-term financial goals you have both discussed and agreed to.

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