The following guest post is from Martin of Studenomics, who just launched Next Round’s On Me, the ultimate guide to financial freedom in your 20s without missing a party.
“I’ve never even heard of her mentioning that restaurant until lunch time today.”
My friend Dylan was courting a lady. The relationship was fairly new. On this particular afternoon, he went to meet her for a quick coffee/lunch because he had some spare time. She had other plans. She mentioned that she was hungry. He offered to take her for some fast food (or something quick). She decided that she wanted to eat at a pretty expensive restaurant. Since he has money, he didn’t mind paying for this surprisingly costly lunch date.
Dylan was just surprised and disappointed. He knew that she was taking advantage of the situation. She knew that he was well-off financially so she took his offer for coffee and turned it into a steak lunch.
There’s no bigger turn off for me than someone looking for a free ride (pardon the pun).
Historically, the gentleman has been responsible for covering the expenses. However, after a few dates, guys get tired of always paying. I personally appreciate it when the lady at least offers to pay or pitch in at some point. You can’t pay for everything, forever as the guy.
It’s actually a deal breaker for me. If the female doesn’t offer to at least buy a round of drinks by the fifth date, then you might want to watch out, because she clearly is expecting you to pay for everything in the long run.
Money, budgeting, debt, credit score, and so on. These are all sensitive topics when it comes to first date conversations. This is why I had to write about money and dating today. These are not topics you’re going to want to mention in your Tinder profile.
At the beginning, we usually don’t care. Actually, I don’t care at all on the first date. I doubt that any of my buddies care about your credit score either. We just want to get laid. We just want to have fun. Most of us don’t have six months into the future and a college fund for the kids.
It also comes down to what kind of guy you are. Some guys don’t mind spending their paychecks on dating. Others are more frugal. I like to pay for dates, but I’m not a sponsor who’s looking to buy gifts and be on the hook for every single expense. My financial goals come first.
When you get serious, money becomes everything. Money determines what you do for fun, what you eat, where you live, and how you live. Money is the deciding factor in every decision that you make as a couple.
Every couple would love to spend their holidays in Aruba. This isn’t The Notebook. If you’re broke and frugal, your girlfriend with expensive taste might not find it so charming.
It’s not comfortable and budgets aren’t the best type of dirty talk, but you need to get this over with. You need to know where both partners stand. Just please don’t discuss money when aroused.
With that being said…
I’ve had relationships ruined by money beliefs.
I won’t sugarcoat it. I’m a huge fan of investing in myself, but I’m also frugal when it comes to courting. I don’t mind a weekend getaway, a hotel room for the night, or a fancy dinner once in a while. I just don’t want to do these things frequently. I would much rather train or invest money into my business. I don’t want to spend every single penny on dates and spoiling my girlfriend. I don’t see the point in that. This gets me in trouble with every relationship.
“When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable.” – Walt Disney
You have to remember that it’s your journey and your journey alone. Friends will come and go. Romantic partners will enter, stick around, and then turn into complete strangers. That’s okay. At the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for you. You can’t compromise who you are. You can’t bend. You can’t throw all of your goals out the window because your current partner has different views.
For example, I have a friend who disappears whenever he finds a new girlfriend. He jumps all in. He stops working out, doesn’t respond to his buddies, and spends all of his money on her. Then when it ends, he’s confused and pissed off.
I’m here to remind you that it’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes. You have to do what’s best for you. Money is very important when it comes to your relationships. Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You can ignore it at first, but the topic of money will always creep up into conversation.
Check out this Love and Money episode of #TalkingTaboo to hear more perspectives on money and dating…